Fascinating and searingly painful how when I read our blog from one year ago I am choked by my tears.

I have sad days. But I have a lot of okay days. The memories of our sweet 5th baby fade a little and grow softer and a bit more distant. But tonight as I reread our blog from her last few days alive, it was as painful as the day it was all happening… well almost. There is no sweet little baby to cuddle and smell and kiss tonight. That makes it different.

Already the pain is fading into the back ground again. (I am thinking about my replacement iphone and if it will actually work this time…) It feels like self preservation, that my brain is trying to protect my heart…

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well…

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